This is an allegedly true story about football fields and Pavlovian reflexes at Cambridge university

Cambridge terms end in mid June, after undergrads finished studies for the summer, a postgraduate psychology student took to visiting the unused football field dressed in black shorts and shirt. He ran around periodically blowing a whistle and scattering bird seed for about 30 minutes at 3.00 p.m. every day throughout the summer.

Students returned in September, when the ref whistled at kick off for the first match of the season, the field was so thickly covered in birds play had to be abandoned. It took about six weeks before the birds stopped associating whistling men in black with an easy food supply.

The new Liverpool manager sent scouts out around the world looking for a new striker to replace Michael Owen and hopefully win Liverpool the title. One of the scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges him to come over to Anfield. Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Man Utd, with only 20 mins left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 mins and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.

Hello mum, guess what?" he say's. " I played for 20 mins today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."

Wonderful," says his mum, " Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time."

The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."

Sorry!" says his mum, "It's your fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place."

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